So I just wanted to take a minute to say how nice it has been meeting and knowing all of you. I will be hibernating in my house for the next 6 months so, BYEEEE!
I gotta say, I am shocked by how intensely baldness has hit me. At the risk of sounding horribly vain, I don’t identify as myself, I barely identify as human.
You guys know me. I seriously thought I would become bald and wear it as a badge of honor. Rock out with my top out kind of stuff.
I woke up this morning and just thought to myself, ‘nope.’ There was no way on God’s green earth I would be leaving the house today. The wig is beautiful, but it feels like a clunky hat and I feel like a phony in it. A scarf, despite my best efforts, makes me look like I escaped Slovenia in the 1940s. And go somewhere bald? That’s just ludicrous.
After I sent the kids off to camp, I got right back in bed. I couldn’t think of anything else to do except close my eyes and pretend it is not happening. I could practically hear Adele singing, ‘Hello (depression)? Is it me you’re looking for?…’
After awaking from my half-day long shame-slumber, I turned the corner into the kitchen and was face to face with one of our dogs. He didn’t recognize me. To the point that he howled in home-defense terror and promptly peed himself all over the dining room floor. That charming little episode did not help matters.
As I Swiffered up the shocking amount of urine that came out of a 30lb dog, I thought to myself, ‘Well, I guess that is a sign from the heavens that I should eat these delicious enchiladas (Thank you, Heather! They are seriously crazy-delicious) and get right back into my bed ’cause my own dog, who sleeps next to my face and knows my scent from a mile away, thought I was Joe Pesci from Home Alone.’
My dome feels cold and wet at all times. Touching it feels like touching a phantom limb. I am so disappointed in myself for so closely tying my femininity, my homo sapien-ness, to my hair. Why am I not proud of how I am fighting? Wearing my baldness like a Purple Heart? How did this outspoken, seemingly very strong woman, get reduced to self-inflicted house arrest because she is afraid of her own head?
I am currently taking suggestions from anyone willing to give them, on ideas to get me out of the house. Because, as I see it right now, I have enough gift certificates for food delivery that we can safely live off of for a while, and I can pay someone to shuttle my kids around so…
See you guys in 2017!!